Defining Moment Writing Exercise and Critique thoughts

I just critiqued a friend's early poem for potential consideration in the upcoming Mother Muse collection, and thought I'd share pieces of my critique as some thoughts for any writer to consider:

No one but you knows what you're thinking/feeling, so kudos for beginning to get your thoughts on paper to begin with! It is the incredible first step to the written preservation of your thoughts.

Perhaps a journal you write in whenever you feel moved by something you and/or your daughter do would help create a collection of thoughts on the subject.

It seems your point is that your daughter is your life; correct? Prove it to me - don't let there be a shadow of a doubt in my mind that this awesome creature that looks just like momma is your world.

In this poem, I 'hear' a lot, as though you're sitting here telling me about what you're thinking. Try sensualizing what you're thinking ... meaning, try to draw on the senses so I can see/hear/smell/taste/touch the ideas you're trying to convey. As it stands now, I feel like saying, yep, yep, sounds about right (from a mom's point of view), but it's the sort of piece that could be easily forgotten as a piece of poetry. A piece of poetry should 'sing' when read aloud - and I don't mean rhyming, sing-songy sort of 'sing'; I mean, the words used should be concise, emotional, informational, and affective (not just effective). Right now, when I read this out loud, it doesn't sound like that 'sing'ing verse.

I wonder if the problem in my reading comes from the 3-year scope of the piece - I mean, it covers your appreciation of your daughter from pre-birth to now. What if you focus on a scene (ie- perhaps a scene that made you reflect on her existence) in either poem or prose form, and integrate the reflection and appreciation?

Perhaps the following exercise might help:

1. Think of a moment when you felt particularly moved by something your daughter does or says, or when you remember something of your own memories.

2. Write down in sentence/sentence fragment/list form everything you remember about that moment, the location, what she or you wore, any smells, sights, sounds, or tastes you remember from that scene or location, etc. Don't censor yourself. You're just prewriting for yourself. Hopefully something from this list will be usable, but if not, don't worry either!

3. Once you feel your 'list' is complete, look it over, and see if anything strikes you as the most powerful part of that moment. If so, write more about it in brainstorming form, or start creating a poem (or essay, if you feel this moment would fit better in that form) right then and there. If nothing strikes you as the most powerful part of that moment, try to figure out what the defining moment was after all. When writing about something so pivotal/emotional/inspiring, you should be drawn by the subject matter, not just sloshing through an exercise, so here is where you should move on to your own poetry creation ideas.

I believe Revising and Editing take place during creation of poetry, as well as after your piece is complete, as you remove unnecessary words, keeping a concise piece that conveys your intended message with affective toned verse.

Upcoming Events in the Rochester, NY area

I have confirmed the following events at which I'll be a featured local author, signing and selling copies of all of my books, and soliciting and/or accepting submissions for the upcoming Mother Muse edition:

* Sunday, Dec. 13th - 2-5pm - Local Authors Extravaganza (I am one of 40 who will be featured at this event!) at LiftBridge Bookstore (45 Main St., Brockport)

* Sunday, January 17, 2010 - 3pm - Reading/booksigning at Sacred Grounds Coffeehouse in Mendon, NY