Defining Moment Writing Exercise and Critique thoughts

I just critiqued a friend's early poem for potential consideration in the upcoming Mother Muse collection, and thought I'd share pieces of my critique as some thoughts for any writer to consider:

No one but you knows what you're thinking/feeling, so kudos for beginning to get your thoughts on paper to begin with! It is the incredible first step to the written preservation of your thoughts.

Perhaps a journal you write in whenever you feel moved by something you and/or your daughter do would help create a collection of thoughts on the subject.

It seems your point is that your daughter is your life; correct? Prove it to me - don't let there be a shadow of a doubt in my mind that this awesome creature that looks just like momma is your world.

In this poem, I 'hear' a lot, as though you're sitting here telling me about what you're thinking. Try sensualizing what you're thinking ... meaning, try to draw on the senses so I can see/hear/smell/taste/touch the ideas you're trying to convey. As it stands now, I feel like saying, yep, yep, sounds about right (from a mom's point of view), but it's the sort of piece that could be easily forgotten as a piece of poetry. A piece of poetry should 'sing' when read aloud - and I don't mean rhyming, sing-songy sort of 'sing'; I mean, the words used should be concise, emotional, informational, and affective (not just effective). Right now, when I read this out loud, it doesn't sound like that 'sing'ing verse.

I wonder if the problem in my reading comes from the 3-year scope of the piece - I mean, it covers your appreciation of your daughter from pre-birth to now. What if you focus on a scene (ie- perhaps a scene that made you reflect on her existence) in either poem or prose form, and integrate the reflection and appreciation?

Perhaps the following exercise might help:

1. Think of a moment when you felt particularly moved by something your daughter does or says, or when you remember something of your own memories.

2. Write down in sentence/sentence fragment/list form everything you remember about that moment, the location, what she or you wore, any smells, sights, sounds, or tastes you remember from that scene or location, etc. Don't censor yourself. You're just prewriting for yourself. Hopefully something from this list will be usable, but if not, don't worry either!

3. Once you feel your 'list' is complete, look it over, and see if anything strikes you as the most powerful part of that moment. If so, write more about it in brainstorming form, or start creating a poem (or essay, if you feel this moment would fit better in that form) right then and there. If nothing strikes you as the most powerful part of that moment, try to figure out what the defining moment was after all. When writing about something so pivotal/emotional/inspiring, you should be drawn by the subject matter, not just sloshing through an exercise, so here is where you should move on to your own poetry creation ideas.

I believe Revising and Editing take place during creation of poetry, as well as after your piece is complete, as you remove unnecessary words, keeping a concise piece that conveys your intended message with affective toned verse.

Upcoming Events in the Rochester, NY area

I have confirmed the following events at which I'll be a featured local author, signing and selling copies of all of my books, and soliciting and/or accepting submissions for the upcoming Mother Muse edition:

* Sunday, Dec. 13th - 2-5pm - Local Authors Extravaganza (I am one of 40 who will be featured at this event!) at LiftBridge Bookstore (45 Main St., Brockport)

* Sunday, January 17, 2010 - 3pm - Reading/booksigning at Sacred Grounds Coffeehouse in Mendon, NY

Preschool snack time

I feel like the most anal mom ever! Why do I feel guilty when I disprove of the unhealthy, but healthier than cupcakes and pure sugar snacks, my eldest has at preschool? Why do I feel like I should pull her just to prevent her from getting into a habit of gobbling goldfish crackers, salty, or frosted sweet treats every morning? Am I really the only mom who would not willingly give her child sugary, salty treats that don't fit in any of the major food groups for her morning snack if there's absolutely any convenient way around it?

Yes, we have a rather regimented meal/snack system in the Wells household - cereal or oatmeal with milk for breakfast, a fresh fruit and a grain or a dairy for morning snack, a lunch of at least one grain, usually two veggies, sometimes one fruit, one veggie, a protein, and often a dairy, then an afternoon snack of fruit/dairy/grain combo, or perhaps something I'd consider mostly outside those groups (ie-pretzels or animal crackers), then dinner of a grain, a protein, and two veggies or one fruit/one veggie, small bedtime snack of cold cereal with milk. It works for us, and I feel confident that having the healthy options readily available helps all of us eat better.

When we're at friends' houses, yes, I bring our snack (as do most of the moms we hang out with), and it usually consists of a portable version of our usual grain/fruit/dairy snacks. But I have absolutely no problem letting Kayla try something at their house, especially if the other children invite her to try it and/or if she asks me nicely for it ... I don't want to prohibit foods, by any means.

How do I find a balance between encouraging her to eat healthy and recognizing that not everyone eats the same foods as we do? Please help! I am so tempted to ask the teachers at her school if I can bring some fresh foods every week as alternatives to the (in my mind) less healthy choices the 'snack helpers' bring when it's their turns? Our 'turn' in the snack rotation doesn't come until mid-November, at which time it'll be time for Kayla's birthday celebration ... should I be the parent who has her bring broccoli and carrot sticks (which she absolutely LOVES, not a punishment, btw) for her special day, simply because the whole class hasn't been getting truly healthy snacks yet this year?! I feel helpless, and I hate the feeling. She's only almost three; why should I have to worry about this yet?!

As a not-entirely side question: Am I the only wackadoodle who feeds her children food from the food pyramid?!

a mother's night

My daughter's mischievous grin haunts my sleep.

As I lie here dreading another night interrupted by an increasingly independent preschooler who is still testing the waters in her newfound nighttime freedom, my infant awakes, screaming bloody murder. My objectives shift from creative ponderings and putting pen to paper as my mind muses to that of a mother hen, calm, soothe, put back to bed.

Practicality always seems to trump creative mom time - even when all is pitch and I desire only a moment to reflect.

Now I'll lie awake until that child is asleep - her tossing subsiding and her lip-smacking sleep noises resumed.

And then what? I'll wait, knowing - thinking - dreading the other child's midnight waking.

When do other moms ever sleep? How on earth do moms of more than two make it through the night?


***


A growl rises from her throat; is that intended toward the lion beside her, the dream that rudely awoke her, the world in general, mother dearest for suffering so much as to open her door, which seemed to wake her to begin with?

Facebook

Facebook is a great tool, but sometimes I think it comes with a price. Yes, it's a source of quick, mass-contact communication. Yes, it's great to reconnect with friends from long ago, connect with friends from today in a new light, or make new connections and network toward a better tomorrow.

However, I am bus-hit by a family death announced via Facebook. I wasn't particularly close to the one of many sisters of my grandma anyway, but it makes me doubletake the fact that my brother and I (more electronically connected) had to tell my mother, the very niece of the deceased, of the death.

...

I'm torn, and have many more facets to ponder after bedtime, and so I leave this as ....

I hope my youngest doesn't feel gipped out of mommy time! I know she doesn't know any different, so no harm done, but it seems as though any time I have free from the elder and her daycare buddy, I scurry to do housework or creative work or something else - and leave my younger to her own devices (well, of course free reign of the baby/toddler-friendly playroom, so perhaps she feels better than she would if I was right down with her the whole time!) I mean, I talk to her the whole time I'm doing dishes or dusting, or ... evidently blogging, but still mommy guilt creeps in, and I wonder if I should spend these five free minutes down playing with her. ... Alrighty, so I'll get down there right now until we need to go pick up big sister from school. :-)

Mother Muse Submission Call

Call for Submissions: Mother Muse Take Two

Due to popular demand, the editor of Mother Muse will embark on a sequel to the inspirational volume this winter. We now look for exceptional motherhood-themed writings (poetry, fiction, nonfiction) and artwork (photography included) celebrating the mother muse within us. We look for the experiences of mothers, grandmothers, aunts, daughters, granddaughters, everyone for this volume. All generations and all walks of life are encouraged. Please search “Mother Muse” on Amazon for an idea of the tone to expect within this sequel (positive, celebratory, whether exploring the incredible joys or the heart-wrenching challenges). We look forward to an even greater array of pieces to touch the soul, and seek variety in perspectives and presentation. Quality writing/art is imperative, regardless of genre or perspective.

Submission requirements:

1. Authors/artists may send up to five original, unpublished pieces (poems, prose, photography, other visual art able to be emailed with decent quality, b/w or color) that fit the theme of the collection. Please also send a 2-5 sentence biographical blurb about yourself for inclusion in the volume if your work is accepted. Submissions should be sent in the body of an email, with the subject line LAST NAME: TITLE/S OF WORK/S, along with a brief note verifying the piece/s as your original, unpublished work to motherhood2009@yahoo.com.

2. Submissions will be accepted through December 31, 2009. Contributors will receive a confirmation email upon receipt, though this email will be brief and will not imply acceptance in the collection. Accepted contributors will be notified by February 1, 2010 via email, and asked to return a form granting the publication of the accepted work/s, and agreeing to not submit the piece/s elsewhere until the volume’s publication in the spring.

3. Minor edits/revisions will be considered. Major revision will be entirely at the discretion of the editor. Contributors may receive comments on their pieces before and/or after the acceptance period, and will receive an emailed copy of the final version of their work/s, with a deadline for applicable revisions. Revisions made thereafter will not be included in the final volume.

4. Publication is anticipated before Mother’s Day 2010. We will have a publication party / book signing at a date to be determined, and anticipate a few readings around the Rochester, NY area for readers to meet and greet the writers. Contributors will be invited via email to these events as they are arranged. Contributors may also suggest venues for such events.

5. Contributors will receive complimentary copies, and will receive a contributor’s rate on additional copies. All contributors will also be recognized with bylines, and with a biographical blurb – see the 2009 edition for examples of this.

Any questions should be addressed to Editor Sueann Wells at motherhood2009@yahoo.com